33 to the death
by Thecastlefan101
Summary: 123456789101112131415161718192021222324252627282930313233 She called me, thirty three times. So thirty three times I cut.


**This is my first story in Wintergirls and would appreciate it if you guys let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer: No no no. Just a teenage girl that can relate. **

* * *

" I didn't pick up. I didn't listen to my messages yesterday. I was too angry to even look at the phone. She still waiting for me."

She still waiting for me to open and poor, poor out why didn't answer, pour my heart and beg forgiveness.

She called me 33 times so thirty three times i cut.

_"Lia? It's me. Call me." _I didn't call her. Not once. So I take the razor and sliced open my skin. Letting little pinpricks of blood surface. It doesn't hurt.

_"Where are you? Call me back."_ I'm not with you. I'm alive while you're wherever you are hating me now more than ever. I take the razor and slice right next to the first one. It stings but only a little.

_"I'm not playing Overbrook. I really need to talk to you."_ And I really didn't answer. I didn't answer when you needed me the most. I wasn't there to listen to what you had to say, to comfort you in your time of need, to save you from the destruction of yourself. So as one eye waters , I grip the razor and cut again. More blood this time, with an extra sting.

_"Call me."_ Such a simple request. A small favor for my best friend. And I couldn't do it. I wanna die. Gripping the razor again I slice harder.

_"Please please call me."_ Begging. She's begging now and I feel completely like a piece of shit. She needed me. And I wasn't there. Too stubborn to care enough to check my phone! I clutch whatever I can find and throw it against the wall. I cut my right index finger for not pressing talk.

No ones home. Dad and Jennifer took Emma to a soccer game. I couldn't go because of all the extra laxatives I took.

_"Look, I'm sorry I was such a bitch. Please."_ She's getting agitated now. Mad at me for not answering her calls and I can tell she wants to yell at me. But she can't because then she knew I wasn't going to answer. I cut again this time a shallow whimper leaving my throat.

_"I know your getting these messages."_ And it was said with no anger, no scorn or contempt. But with defeat. Almost as if she's giving up hope on me answering because she knows why. She knows exactly why. _She knows_. And that's what makes this next cut almost unbearable. She knew I wasn't going to answer, just as well as I did. But I cut my phone off Cassie. What did you want me to do?  
Two tears slide down my cheeks.

Cassie's in the mirror now, speaking her messages to me.

_"You can be mad at me later. I really need to talk to you."_

" I am mad at you," I mumble as I slide the blade across my red swollen skin, wincing through every second of it. She spoke it so serenely, the alcohol blurring her voice ever so much. "You didn't have to do it, Cassie."

She cut her eye at me. Acknowledging me for the first time. "Then you never understood," she whispered so quietly I thought I was imagining things.

She went back to lean against the wall acting as if she's just the voice on my phone.

_"You were right – it wasn't your fault."_ I can hear the sincerity in her voice but it's also like she's bargaining. Admitting I was right just to get me to connect with her. And there something else there. Anger – at herself for ever starting this mess. The last thing I wanted was for Cassie to herself. It was my fault, so I cut again blood pulling on my fingers.

_"There's no one else to talk to."_ Despair in her voice is obvious. She's losing hope, losing her mind, losing herself. And Cassie slides down the wall staring into nothing with tears shining in her eyes. I feel my heart breaking. I'm so sorry Cassie. And the pain in her eyes is too much to bear so I look away and slash my skin, deeper than the rest, a loud cry escaping my mouth.

_"Oh, God."_ She's giving up. She scared. She can feel her impending death coming up to meet her. And by the look and Cassie's eyes as she sits huddled against my bedroom wall I can tell she's reliving every moment of that horrid day. I don't want to see the memories in her eyes, I don't want to feel the pain from the day. But she turns toward me and holds her gaze on mine.

"The eleventh cut!" She yells. Not because she's angry over the message but because of the fifteen hang ups. The Times when she called and all she heard was the ringer. So lonely. The sound of a ringing, the only sound she heard before she died. I cut for the 11th message and Cassie jumps up and starts screaming at me.

For the 15 hangups I make one cut and go back over it 14 times. All the while Cassie yells.

_"Where were you!"_

_"I needed you Lia!"_

_"You couldn't put your anger aside to save my life?"_

_"Lia – Lia why didn't you come back to me?"_

_"I loved you like a sister."_

_"How could you!"_

_"All I wanted was you thank you Cody give me that!"_

_"It's like years of friendship meant nothing to you!"_

_"But maybe...this is all my fault..."_

_"I started this mess."_

_"You have every right to be angry."_

_"Keep cutting Lia. You're almost there."_

_"I'm sorry I wasn't there when _you_ needed _me_."_

_"I'm sorry I did it."_

Blood. So much blood over me. And I'm lightheaded, tired, ready to sleep. I'm sore and crying from the immense pain and watching Cassie crumble back into the lost, hopeless girl pretending to be a voice message.

I'm in so much pain I can barely stand straight, let alone feel anymore.

_"Please Lia-Lia."_ And I almost think she's telling me to hurry up indirectly. I scrape together some energy to cut again.

_"I'm so sad. I can't get out."_ All she needed was a friend. Cut.

_"Call me. It's a mess."_ So am I. I fall down on my carpet, out of energy, sleepy, cold.

Cassie leans over me and mouths "almost there." Then she takes the razor from my weak and bloody hands.

"Two hang ups," she says. And cuts and x on my wrist deep enough for it to reach my veins and I feel it reverberate throughout my arm up to my head.

_"I don't know what to do,"_ she speaks jamming the razor inside my skin. Completely numb. And the last thing I remember before I pass out was_ "I miss you. Miss you."_

* * *

When I awoke I saw white and heard a faint breathing next to me. Dr. Marrigan sat next to me sleeping quietly while dad and Jennifer argued loudly outside the door.  
I can tell moms been crying. I don't care.

It's cold.

I check my arm and find them pumping liquid poison into me, I take it out and fade into blackness.

* * *

When I awake again it's to Cassie's smiling face. "You made it!" She screams, delighted. And we race off into the stars.


End file.
